Back from Kripalu

My week-long trip to Kripalu ended a week ago and I had been hoping to write sooner, but Mother Nature decided to bring an early taste of winter to us, so I've been preoccupied with that.

Let me tell you, though, about my experience at Kripalu. I arrived at Kripalu on Sunday to find a group of 11 women, 3 presenters, and 2 assistants ready to start our journey. True Healing - Women Whose Lives Have Been Touched by Cancer - that was our focus for the week. In total, there were 13 of us with cancer - one of the presenters and one of the assistants have active cancer.

To say that the week was intense is an understatement. After the first gathering on Sunday night, one of the participants left the retreat and didn't return. She said it was too much for her to hear about everyone's cancer. Yes, indeed it was, but there was such great strength and such tremendous courage in our little group! We laughed, we cried, and we learned from each other. It was an important and profound experience for me. I am so glad I was well enough to go.

I did, though, find myself at odds a few times with Kripalu life. The days were very long, so I never made it to early morning yoga. I had expected to be immersed in yoga and that was not the case. I was disappointed, but I needed to be mindful that I was only 9 weeks post-transplant and not accustomed to long days. Other women, still in chemotherapy, were unable to make morning yoga, too, and it was good feedback to give the presenters for next year.

I also found myself conflicted about mealtimes. Why had I not thought about this beforehand?!? Kripalu has the most healthy food! It's one of the things I love about being at Kripalu. But I had not taken a meal outside of my house prior to this trip and I found myself avoiding certain foods, like the fabulous salads, because I was concerned about the possibility of being exposed to any type of bacteria. As health conscious as they are at Kripalu, I am sure I would have been fine, but I didn't want to take any chances. I was taking a big enough chance just being in the dining room with a few hundred people - why not be extra cautious? I did have a bag of grocery items in my room, mostly in case of low blood sugars, but I could have survived on that bag if needed. Fortunately, I never came across anyone with an illness, though I was prepared with mask and gloves if needed. And I did have my Lysol wipes to thoroughly wipe down my room when I arrived.

What I appreciated most about the week was the opportunity to be with and hear from other women with cancer. Everyone has had cancer longer than me, so they were able to verbalize some of the things I have been feeling but couldn't understand or articulate. And the presenters helped me to look at my cancer in a way that helps me live with it a little better. Two questions they asked - what did I lose with the diagnosis of cancer? and what did I gain? To my surprise, I've gained more than just extra time in the morning since I don't have hair to fuss with!

One of the things I've lost is part of my identity. Will I ever hike again? Will I ever hike those high mountains again? I worry about that. I want to be back outside on those mountains and not via a chairlift! I miss that part of my life.

One of the things I've gained is a return to a more conscious practice of my faith. I start and end each day with a conscious awareness that the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. Though it is easy for me to have cancer hovering in the back of my mind, and sometimes in the forefront of my mind, and it is easy for me to be pulled into my work and the struggles of daily life that we all experience, I find peace when I pray. I am looking forward to the time when I am physically strong enough to return to daily (early!) Mass.

And I learned the basics of meditation. It takes practice and I'm not very good at it yet, but it provides me with calm when I'm overwhelmed with anything, not just cancer.

It was a good week.

Here a a few photos. The week started with beautiful fall days and ended with snow!