Scenes from a hospital

I finally made it home from the hospital!  I thought I was going in for an overnight stay; next thing I know, I'm leaving 8 days later.  That was quite unexpected and quite depressing, as you probably gathered from my previous entry.  There were, though, a few humorous moments after I started to get better.  I thought I'd share them with you.

Scene 1
FF (family/friend):  Now the most important thing for you right now is to get a good night sleep so you'll feel strong tomorrow.
ME:  What are you - Marcus Welby?

Scene 2
ME:  Pass me the Dinamap.
FF:  What's the Dinamap?
ME:  The blue machine over there.
FF:  That's for the nurses.
ME:  I know, but I've been watching the nurses.  I know how to use it.  I want to take my temperature.
FF:  That's not right.  You can't do that.
ME:  Ok.

Scene 3
ME:  Pass me my pocketbook, please.
(it gets passed to me)
FF:  What are you doing?
ME:  I've got my own thermometer.

Scene 4
ME:  I think I'm getting feverish again.
NURSE:  Your temp is only 100.3.  I'm not treating that.
ME:  But that's been my pattern.  I hover at 100 then quickly shoot up to over 102, have the sweats and then the chills.  I don't want to go through that again.  My body has had enough!
NURSE:  I'll come back in an hour to check your temp again.
(exit Nurse)
ME:  Pass me my pocketbook, please.
FF:  What are you doing?
ME:  I have my own tylenol.

Scene 5
NURSE:  See, your temp is down to 99 now.
ME:  Why, yes, yes it is.  ;-)

Scene 6
ME:  Pass me my pocketbook, please.
FF:  What now???
ME:  I have an extra hot pack in there.
FF:  ??????????
ME:  The nurse brought me 2 and I only used 1, so I saved the other.  Just in case.  This is a 'just in case' moment.

Scene 7
Nurse enters at 11pm with my calcium pill, an acyclovir pill and a cup of water.
NURSE:  Here are your pills.  I'll be back in a few minutes with the IV med.
(exit Nurse)
ME:  Here you go (to FF).
FF:  What is this?
ME:  My calcium pill.  It's too late and too big.  I'm not taking it.
FF:  Have you not been taking your pills?  Are you hiding them??
ME:  No, of course not.  I'm just not taking this one.
FF:  Yes, you are.  Right now.
ME:  Pass me my pocketbook, please.
FF:  What are you doing???  You are not putting that pill in there!  Take it now!
(I dutifully take the pill).
FF:  Wait until I tell your family you're hiding pills.  You're in big trouble.

Scene 8
FF:  Don't get your hopes up.  You may not get to go home tomorrow.
ME:  I'm going home tomorrow.  Now start packing up my stuff.
FF:  You're going to be disappointed if you can't go home.
ME:  I'm going home tomorrow.  Are you going to help me pack?
FF:  I'll take a few things, but try not to get your hopes up.
ME:  I'm going home tomorrow.  One way or another, I'm going home tomorrow.  All I need is my pocketbook :-)