Bag envy

Tuesday and Wednesday were my days of apheresis, stem cell collection.  Linda, always by my side, drove me at 5:30am Tuesday down to the Kraft Family Blood Donor Center at Dana-Farber.  We arrived for our 7am appointment, ready to go.  We hadn't realized that my blood would first need to be tested to see if I had enough of a stem cell base to even start the procedure.  The group of us - only 4 of us on day one - waited for our counts, and when they came back all but one of us could start.  David, a young man from Vermont, did not have enough stem cells to start.

Though our appointment was at 7, it was 10:30 before I was finally on the collection machine.

We settled in for the day with our books, crafts, card games, and the tv to watch the afternoon Sox game.  The whole time, though, we couldn't help but glance over at David and his wife Ann.  They were crushed. Ann told us that David, like me, has multiple myeloma.  He's had it for a year and, unlike me, he's been on multiple therapies and most have been unsuccessful.  He is not in remission but is close enough to procede with apheresis and transplant.  The disease has ravaged him and he looked like a broken man.  I realized, as I continue to do, that I have been abundantly blessed that this disease has not destroyed my body or my spirit.

Still, I do worry about myself.  And I laid there worrying about my collection bag.  As I looked around the room, the other collection bags were filling with that nice milky pink fluid that is the tell-tale sign of stem cells.  My bag was mostly red.  I asked Mat, my Brigham nurse, about my red bag.  He said not to worry, all bags look different, stem cells can take their very own appearance in every bag.  I was reassured, but not for long.  Later another nurse walked by.  "Excuse me.  I'm concerned about my red bag.  Everyone else has milky pink bags.  Am I collecting any stem cells??"  I got the same not-to-worry, everyone-is-different speech.  Later, I ask my D-F nurse. Same speech.  The PA to the Chief of Pathology - same speech.  My transplant nurse - same speech, but she said to plan on being back on Wednesday because she was certain I wouldn't meet my target. I knew it!!  :-(

At the end of Tuesday, the nurses were taking a guess on how many stem cells I had collected - 2 million, maybe 4 million.  I needed 10 million.  Linda and I were praying I made at least 2 million, but secretly we both were thinking I collected only 1 million.  We left feeling tired and ready for dinner, our spirits still uplifted - we met so many nice nurses and patients! - and we considered options if I needed a third collection day.

Before we left,  I gave David a note with my St. Peregrine relic medal.  I truly believe it has protected me during my journey with cancer and I thought he needed it.  He and his wife were tearful and grateful.

Wednesday arrives:  Linda and I were at the Kraft Center before our 7am appointment, ready to go!  We were energized and feeling positive.  And then I found out the news of Tuesday's collection.  Are you ready?  I collected 7 million stem cells!!!  Linda and I were beside ourselves with joy and surprise!!  What a way to start the day!!  We settled into our assigned space and as Mat hooked me up to the machine, he said, "See what happens?  7 million stem cells after you had all that bag envy."  "Bag envy," I asked, not following his meaning.  "You were looking at everyone else's collection bag and you had bag envy, thinking your bag wasn't good enough."  I laughed!  He was right.

In the end, I collected 15.81 million stem cells.  And David, arriving at the Kraft Center wearing his St. Peregrine medal attached on his pants at hip level (stem cells come out of the marrow of the hip bones), made his number, was hooked up to his stem cell collection machine, and his bag was filling up in no time.  And it was red.

Today, I feel a bit tired, but healthy, happy, and ready (almost) for the next step:  hospital on Saturday for 3 weeks.  I'm sitting outside as I type and I plan to spend as much time outdoors as I can over the next days, because it will be mid-September before I am outside again.  I am going to eat a lot of blueberries and strawberries and cherries over the next days, because I won't be eating them again until next year.  And I am going to offer prayers of thanks, because I know I am blessed.

Linda, you were my guiding grace over these past days.  I can't thank you enough.  I love you, sister!